Marionette Pitfalls

“Therapy” today.

Haven’t felt suicidal…well, since the last therapy appointment.

I was nervous going in, but overall I have been doing pretty good despite everything.

While Angela was talking to me, a deep depression sprouted up inside…until I felt hopelessly suicidal.

And just then, she asked me if I was suicidal.

I didn’t want to say yes. But I did.

Why do I just seem to tell her whatever she wants to hear?

Why do I feel like a puppet on strings…that’s she is pulling?

She told me to call the crisis line or 911 as necessary.

So weird…before my state hospital stay, she used to “worry herself sick” over me, when I was absolutely fine. She called and harassed, and called other people too.

Now, she’s making me feel and confess to suicidal feelings that don’t even seem native to myself, and then sending me out the door without a fuss.

Within an hour or so after leaving, I was back to myself.

I admit, I’m overwhelmed.

But I don’t really want to hurt myself. I’m determined.

The only use I have for a blade now is to cut these strings…

How Angela keeps doing this to me is of serious, serious concern.

And WHY?

I feel sure that if I didn’t have to see her anymore, I’d be doing MUCH better.


–via the ghostwriter


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