Met with Danae the Devil again today.
She harassed, harangued, cajoled and performed gymnastic feats and stunts with my words…
Until I finally told her what she wanted to hear:
That I was suicidal and I have a plan.
I wasn’t and I didn’t.
But now…I am actually tempted.
I’m just too tired to keep fighting them at every turn.
The result: they took me out of my room and put me in some little, sweltering hot observation room, with a plastic mat on the floor.
I feel strange, dissociative…and severely tempted to make a noose and hang myself.
Why do they make tell lies?
Feel lies, even?!
I did NOT feel this way before talking to Danae the Devil.
It’s the same hypnosis trick my regular therapist uses…only supercharged.
It makes me say things I don’t want to say.
And suddenly, I feel things I don’t want to feel.
I lose my composure and self control.
And I feel like I can’t take one more second of this!
Just gotta get through the weekend.
I wish they would just leave me alone!
Prayers requested, please.
“A lie keeps growing and growing until it’s as clear as the nose on your face.”
–via the Ghostwriter