Pinocchio

Met with Danae the Devil again today.

She harassed, harangued, cajoled and performed gymnastic feats and stunts with my words…

Until I finally told her what she wanted to hear:

That I was suicidal and I have a plan.

I wasn’t and I didn’t.

But now…I am actually tempted.

I’m just too tired to keep fighting them at every turn.

The result: they took me out of my room and put me in some little, sweltering hot observation room, with a plastic mat on the floor.

I’m uncomfortable.

I feel strange, dissociative…and severely tempted to make a noose and hang myself.

Why???

Why do they make tell lies?

Feel lies, even?!

I did NOT feel this way before talking to Danae the Devil.

It’s the same hypnosis trick my regular therapist uses…only supercharged.

It makes me say things I don’t want to say.

And suddenly, I feel things I don’t want to feel.

I lose my composure and self control.

And I feel like I can’t take one more second of this!

Just gotta get through the weekend.

I wish they would just leave me alone!

Prayers requested, please.

“A lie keeps growing and growing until itโ€™s as clear as the nose on your face.โ€

–via the Ghostwriter

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6 thoughts on “Pinocchio

  1. Do. Not. Admit to hallucinations. Just don’t. Cave somewhere else, but not there. That’s a trap that scares me. Also, try to say you feel “passively” suicidal. Force that label. It allows you to admit what they want to hear but still own a piece of control. You may be pushed into desperately feeling you *want* to die, but passive is not active. It’s a tiny bit of holding your own while giving in. Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m soooo sorry to hear this! I still can’t get my head around the way you get treated. Sending much love your way – hang in there. What lavenderandlevity says makes sense. Going into survival mode xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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