Met with Angela today.

She spent half the time trying to convince me how much all the staff–including her–care about me.

The other half was trying to convince me that my mental illness is so severe, I’ll never be free of meds, treatment, or them.

Neither position is a position I can agree to.

During my entire stay at the crisis facility, Angela never once called me or came by to check on me. I haven’t even heard from her in over a month.

I’m not complaining, I enjoyed the break.

However, someone who knows I’m in “crisis” and has the obligation and ability to be part of my support system who disappears during that time without a trace will never convince me she cares.

Coincidentally, or not, I’m having urges this evening, and have not had this since leaving the facility.

The only thing different since I left there…is that I’ve not been around the staff…and suddenly I feel ok.

Then back to Angela’s office today, and suddenly I’m not ok.

That can’t be coincidence, it’s been going on for too long.

I’m going to be ok, though, one way or another.

Aggravated as all hell, but ok.

–the Ghostwriter


6 thoughts on “Repetition

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