That’s what I’ll call her for the purpose of this blog.
Miss Hell is a nurse at the crisis facility.
She’s always been kind to me and seemed supportive…until two days ago.
Amidst the turmoil of all of this, it was refreshing to have someone who was nice and who listened and offered support…so unlike the rest of the staff.
After the last trip to the ER, EVERYONE in DBH has major attitude with me. More than normal.
They (always) act like I’m doing all of this to somehow cause them problems…like I’m a menace to society, something terrible that needs to be obliterated for the greater well-being of mankind.
Not that I’m sick, mind you, I couldn’t just be sick…in need of medical care.
No, according to them, I’m purposefully just trying to make all of their lives and jobs harder.
Miss Hell, I trusted, because she acted like she was on my side.
I called her to ask her some questions the other night, which I’ve done from time to time when I can’t get any information or help from other DBH staff. She’s always been helpful before.
But this time, her response was, quite literally, shocking. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around it.
1. I did so much better at the state hospital, I should just go back.
2. That I only harm myself or make suicide attempts that I know will fail just for the attention.
(Attention seeking is apparently the worst crime known to humankind, so far as the Utah Mental Health System is concerned. Attention seekers are far, far beneath even chronic sex offenders.)
3. “What are you going to do, just keep hurting yourself for the rest of your life?”
Well, if DBH holds me hostage that long, I just might!
Not because I want to…but because they seem to be enjoying this little game…
Traumatizing me, aggravating me, manipulating and emotionally/psychologically tormenting me…driving me to self harm…and then villifying me for it.
Like some sick, twisted sadistic psycho dies to his captive in a horror movie.
I’ve heard all the same bullcrap before from plenty of mental health workers over the years.
But I was absolutely stunned to hear this coming out of Miss Hell’s mouth. She has NEVER belittled me before…
And I’ve come to the realization that I cannot trust a single soul employed by the mental health system.
I don’t know if these people can actually help me or not, but I feel quite certain they don’t want to.
Even when they’re nice to me, it seems to be a means to an end.
I feel foolish…like I was set up!
I trusted her, reached out for support, and got my face slapped…again.
With no warning, just out of the clear blue sky…the shock of it was worse than what she actually said!
No more, I’ve had enough.
I’m not trusting anyone here ever again.
Notes from Ghostwriter:
We’ve observed time and again what seems to be a “good cop/bad cop” routine among the staff.
Repeatedly, the “mean” ones drive the patient to the “nice” ones, where she leans heavily for support. Each and every time, when things get difficult, the “nice” ones inevitably turn on her and echo the “mean” ones.
The hard part is, because she trusted the nice ones and opened up to them, they know exactly how and where to strike to make it hurt the most.
Definitely not accidental or coincidental.
Pretty diabolical, yet effective way to silence victims, in my opinion. Many clients are stuck in the system with no family or outside support. They cannot trust staff, and they just…shut down.